Xiaomi's Latest Gadgets: From 'Dad Mode' Flashlights to Robo-Dogs That Steal Your Heart (And Your $3,000)

Ever feel like your life is missing a gadget that can shatter a car window, track your jump rope cadence to an obsessive degree, and recognize you by the veins in your palm? No? Well, you’re clearly not living. Or you haven’t fallen down the glorious, bizarre rabbit hole that is Xiaomi’s product catalog.

Last year, we peeked into the weird and wonderful. This year? We’ve brought a shovel and are digging to the core. Buckle up. It’s about to get delightfully strange in here.

The Gadget That Screams "I Have a Utility Belt"

Let's start with a product that has "impulse buy from a Facebook ad targeted at suburban dads" written all over it. Behold, the Xiaomi Multi-Function Flashlight.

This isn't just a light. It's a Swiss Army knife that gave up on knives and said, "You know what the world needs? A window breaker." That’s right. This $30 marvel of engineering comes with a spring-loaded glass-shattering tip. In the name of science (and content), our host bought an actual car door. The result? An incredibly satisfying pop and a cascade of glass. It also has a seatbelt cutter, because why prepare for one emergency when you can prepare for a cinematic sequence of them?

It zooms from flood to spotlight, has side lights, SOS strobes, and a fog-penetrating yellow beam. It even has a magnetic base so you can stick it to your car while you pretend to know what a carburetor is. For $30? This isn't a purchase; it’s an initiation into the Hall of Very Prepared Dads. 9.5/10.

Pressure Washing: Now with Less Effort and More Style

Might as well lean into the paternal vibes with the Xiaomi Cordless Pressure Washer. It’s sleek, it’s cordless, and it proves you don’t need a compressor the size of a mini-fridge to blast dirt into oblivion.

Drop the hose in a bucket, flick to foam mode, and suddenly your patio is drowning in suds. The spray power won’t strip paint off a battleship, but it’s more than enough to make your driveway question its life choices. It even cleaned the glass out of the windows in the test. Not professional grade, but for the average person who just wants to feel powerful on a Saturday afternoon? It’s a sexy, satisfying package.

The Skipping Rope That Gaslights You

Next, we enter the fitness realm with the Xiaomi Smart Skipping Rope. This $28 wonder uses magnetic sensors in the handles to count your jumps, which is hilarious when you consider some next-gen gaming consoles still can’t manage accurate motion tracking.

It comes with a cord for the classic, ankle-whipping experience. And yes, it’s smart enough not to count the rep where you brutally flagellate yourself. Thanks for the insult, gadget. You can also go cordless, swinging weighted handles like you’re conducting an invisible orchestra. Is it a real workout? Debatable. Does it feed insane data like your jump cadence and max jumps-per-minute to an app? Absolutely. Who needs this? Probably no one. But it’s cool that it exists. Solid, but not quite a champion.

The Night Light That Fixed Its One Flaw

Now, a love story. In a previous video, our host fell for the Xiaomi Motion-Sensing Night Light 2. He plastered them around his house. They were perfect… except they shone directly into your retinas at 3 AM.

Enter the Night Light 3. For $15, you get a rechargeable light (goodbye, AA batteries!) that lasts up to 8 months. It’s dimmer, but intelligently so—the light is now shielded, giving you a gentle glow, not a spotlight to the soul. It only turns on when it’s dark and senses motion. Setup is a tap and a slide. It’s a fuss-free, brilliant little gadget. Easy 10/10.

The Smart Band That Humiliates the Apple Watch

Here’s where things get spicy. The Xiaomi Smart Band 10 costs $45. The "luxury" Glimmer edition is $95. Our host wore the $45 band alongside an $800 Apple Watch Ultra 3.

The verdict? He was "absolutely shocked."

This little band has a smooth AMOLED display, tracks steps with alarming accuracy (matching the Apple Watch stride-for-stride), monitors sleep more comfortably than a chunky smartwatch, and boasts 150 sport modes and 10-day battery life. The Apple Watch is a mini-computer on your wrist. This is a hyper-focused health and fitness tracker. If you don’t need to reply to texts from your wrist, this Xiaomi band makes you wonder why you’d ever spend more. It’s a 10/10 value proposition that completely redefines the category.

The Streak Had to End Sometwhere: The Desktop Soundbar

After a run of winners, we found our first "meh." The Xiaomi Desktop Speaker is a soundbar for your desk. It looks clean, has a fantastically satisfying volume knob, and a dim light bar that pulses with music… if you’re in a cave.

The sound? Better than laptop speakers, not as good as a dedicated Bluetooth speaker in its price range. It’s fine. It’s not offensive. It’s the gadget equivalent of plain toast. 6.5/10.

The Portable Printer That Prints… Videos?

The Xiaomi Portable Printer Pro is a niche product asking for a place in your everyday carry. It’s pricey, but the magic is in the details.

Print a photo. It takes a minute, layering colors. The result is shockingly good—vibrant, detailed. But here’s the party trick: the prints are AR-activated. Point your phone at the photo, and it plays a video. In the demo, it played a VPN ad (sponsor shout-out!), but imagine printing a family photo that comes to life. Each ink cartridge only does about 10 prints, so it’s a luxury. But as far as portable printers go? It’s the coolest one yet. 8/10.

The "iPad Mini" That’s Cheaper and Has More Hz

The Xiaomi Pad Mini is, unsurprisingly, a mini tablet. At $500 for the 256GB model, it’s $100 cheaper than Apple’s equivalent.

It’s solid, has two USB-C ports, a chunky battery, and a 120Hz display (take that, 60Hz iPad!). The AI features are smoothly integrated—summarizing workout plans, generating art from sketches. It’s a very good, capable mini tablet. Nothing earth-shattering, but a strong 8/10.

Building the Dad Gauntlet: The Drill & The Almighty Lock

To install our next gadget, we needed the Xiaomi Brushless Cordless Drill. It’s a juiced-up version of their excellent electric screwdriver. Magnetic bits, a sleek design, and enough power for any job a sane person would attempt at home. It makes you feel competent and vaguely attractive. A high 9/10.

Now, for the main event: the $700 Xiaomi Smart Door Lock and Doorbell. This isn't a lock; it's a bouncer for your front door with an identity crisis. It has TEN ways to unlock it. Let’s list them, because why not? 1. Mechanical key (for emergencies). 2. Passcode. 3. One-time passcode. 4. NFC card (sold separately, because of course). 5. NFC via Xiaomi watch/band (counted as two methods to hit 10—we see you, Xiaomi). 6. App control (slightly terrifying). 7. Fingerprint (fast). 8. Facial recognition (slow, and struggled with beards/brown skin in the test). 9. PALM VEIN RECOGNITION.

Yes. You open your door like a Jedi by letting it scan the veins inside your palm. It’s almost impossible to spoof. The interior has a screen showing the outside view, and the AI learns frequent visitors' faces. It even has an anti-tamper mode if someone tries to unscrew it. It’s stupidly expensive, stupidly extra, and stupidly impressive. 9/10.

The $3,000 Robotic Doberman of Your Dreams (or Nightmares)

Finally, we reach the pinnacle: the Xiaomi Cyberdog 2. This $3,000 robotic Doberman is a feat of engineering. Getting one involved being scammed out of thousands—so the stakes were high.

This thing is… alive. It trots, gallops, does parkour flips, and maintains its balance when pushed. It has 19 sensors, including force sensors in its feet. You can see through its cameras ("visor mode"), and it can follow you around autonomously. You can even talk to it. The live stream quality is mediocre, and it’s obviously a niche product for enthusiasts or labs.

But as our host said, it’s "the most intelligent robot I've ever tested." It’s weird, wonderful, and filled a dog-shaped hole in his heart. 8/10.

The Final Tally: A Shockingly Good Haul

From the humble, perfect night light to the vein-scanning door lock, Xiaomi’s range is bafflingly broad and impressively competent. The drill awakened primal instincts. The flashlight prepares you for an action movie. But the true champion, the hall-of-famer, is the Smart Band 10—proving that sometimes, the simplest, most focused gadget is the one that changes your mind entirely.

So, what’s it gonna be? Are you joining the palm-vein recognition future, or are you just here for a flashlight that can commit minor acts of automotive vandalism? Either way, Xiaomi has you covered.

Views Disclaimer: The opinions, ratings, and dad-joke energy expressed above are based on the experiences and commentary of Mr whos the boss from the linked video. They are not necessarily the views of this blog's author, who is simply a vessel for sarcastic narration and has yet to scan his palm for anything.